nessie calls from the deep.

i dunno either... but nessie is buried in all of the stuff on my desk. i almost feel guilty.

i think that i'm going to clean tonight because i don't really feel like going to 'the beta country club' party thing...i'm not really in the mood to get drunk. i just wanna rearrange my furniture and go to sleep. well, i prolly won't rearrange the furniture as i can't do it by myself and pretty much everyone will be going out. i guess i don't really know that. but yeah...

i went to dinner (at noodles.. mmm... japanese pan noodles!!) with heidi, iris and alex. it was much less awkward than guster. :)

my sis is coming tomorrow morning. i can go to the grocery store and buy yummy food so i don't have to eat at downer. i think i'm going to buy some ramen. actual ramen that you have to really cook. (cause i'm really sick of the instant stuff... and it's more salty, i think...) i wish the microwave would be fixed right now! i'm really sick of going all the way to the basement to cook my food. :(

okay, i can only spend the remaining $30 of my tax refund. that's all. perhaps i'll buy a cd. i haven't actually bought a cd in a very long time. something soothing... hm... any suggestions?? i was thinking postal service, maybe smashing pumpkins (well, they aren't really soothing... sometimes they are... but i like it) i can hear the garden state soundtrack very softly down the hall... the pretty song. i love that song.

okay, i'm going to clean and stuff... i guess. btw, when are you peoples coming here. because tomorrow is may. and that means that you'll be done really soon. so, you should call me. we'll set up a date. and you will come. i will actually see you before you leave me for india. and... well, of course i will see you all of the time. but then again, that's as usual. (hey, can we go look at movies this summer. cause i like doing that. a whole lot. kk.)

bye.

tonight, tonight, won't be just any night.

eww my fingers are all greasy from popcorn. is that bad for keyboards??

tonight i saw the weirdest japanese movie. it was made by the same people as totoro (i love that movie!!! so cute!!) but it was about raccoons. mostly it was that the males always had actual, drawn in testicles. and when they would battle they would stretch them into different shapes. it was bizzare. but overall it was a pretty cute movie and pretty animation. :)

i also at dinner at a catholic potluck with eliana. she just converted a couple weeks ago(???) and it was a little celebration thing. it was nice. pretty decent food, even if it had almost no vegetarian stuff. it was still nice to not eat downer stuff.

so now i sit in my room, writing on my puter, and thinking about what to do for the rest of the night. i'll prolly just do some homework, perhaps watch a movie, and go to sleep. i can't believe i have a lesson tomorrow. poo. well, i hope she gets interrupted so i have time to think in my lesson. hehe.

oh!! i was looking at the summerfest website with heidi this morning and it had a link that said 'CELLISTS!' so we clicked on it. they are looking for 100 cellists to play at summerfest in a piece called 'bach and rock.' it just said if you play in an 'a or high b level' (i'm assuming it's going by the wisconsin solo/ensemble guidelines) all you have to do is fill out the little application and send $20. and if you are one of the first 100 then you are in. so, i obviously applied. i'm SO excited. that would be awesome. playing at a music festival. the biggest music festival at least in the midwest... not quite sure if in the us. so awesome! :) i'm really excited. super de duper excited. yeah. that's all. bye.

it's not me, it's you.

i feel like i'm going to conquer the world today. for some reason. well, it started with actually getting up within 30 minutes of my alarm going off. pretty sweet. actually taking a shower in the morning and doing my morning exercise. :) it made me very happy. (and a plus, my stomach muscles don't ache as much immediately after starting! that prolly means i should now be doing more.... hm...)

tonight is a violin canidate recital and GUSTER. okay, i'll be honest... i don't know like any of their songs that well.. but it should be pretty friggin sweet. and for only $12.50... not bad at all. (especially considering that the general public tickets are like $25-35! sweet!)

okay, going to breakfast and going to class. then commence doing homework and HAVING AN AWESOME NIGHT!!!! YAY!!

i love me.

that bitchy feeling has left me now. our staff meeting was so sad. so many crappy things have happened to people this week. it makes me feel guilty for having a good week. well, almost. this week has been the best. i mean, i actually had a good weekend where i didn't do anything but have fun. usually if i do nothing i'm just crabby and lonely. but i went out. had fun. might have been drunk. but i was good. i got to just forget about my stupid little problems for a few hours and relax. hm, maybe i do have an anxiety problem. i don't think it's the 'get in front of people' kind, though... cause i don't get anxious about teaching or speaking in class... mostly just about school work. not really music, but actual school work. whatever. i'm just over analyzing. i need to shower and go to sleep. and stop worrying. (at least the lesson today was good and i apparently 'played the best you have in a very long time' so that's good... i think.... but i did sound pretty sweet at that one part. so beautiful. hello cash this summer!!!) okay, gnite.

i'm an extraordinary machine.

the keepers came today. too bad that i have about two-three weeks to wait. i'm sure it'll be fine. unless i suddently get a latex allergy. that would be horrible. in fact i'm pretty sure that it might kill me. hm... well, i don't think i do. my sis does though... hm, hm, hm...

i might have a whole lot of stuff to do tonight. yet i didn't... well, it's not late but i prolly won't do anything else tonight, just cause i don't do that. i might have to have a movement memorized by tomorrow that i haven't looked at since friday. i haven't really seriously practiced since friday. sad and pathetic. stupid partying. always gets in the way. poo. i'll just practice like six tomorrow and it'll balance out. or perhaps we can talk about the website stuff. oooo, i have to do my listening or else she said i couldn't have a lesson. that'd be bad.

duuuuuuuude, next week is reading period. that is way sweet. a four day weekend would be fabulous. i prolly won't get work done, but then again, i never get work done anyway... hehe... cept for stats. i've been pretty good about getting my work done. and i think i get it. i think? hopefully we'll get our tests back on wednesday. oh! definitely got an 87 on my psyc midterm. hell yeah! and considering i didn't really study or really read most of the chapters (but i did go to each lecture....) i'm pretty damn proud of myself. hooray for freshman level classes. :) they are so much better than those upper level ones. so much less expected. no rachel killing herself and wondering when she'll ever get done with her homework and start that paper... nope... it's all about going to class and doing the reading. :) happy, happy, happy.

gabby is thinking about transfering. i think it might be good for her. that and serious counseling. i wish she would just actually tell everyone so we can stop just pretending not to know. maybe i wasn't supposed to say that... whatever...

okay, before i tell anymore secrets, i best go try to 'sculpt my guns'.... 'oh, that's a deep burn... i've done so many i can't move my arm anymore...' okie, gnight.

duty, part two.

as i'm sure some of you know, i don't exactly love being on duty. but i decided to give back to all of my loverly residents today and make some cookies for them to enjoy whilst i am working the desk. it is a very good combination. they get to pretend to be nice to me for a few minutes and i get to get rid of the eggs and butter that have been sitting in my fridge. hooray. well, i might be exaggerating slightly about all of them hating me. but at times it feels like it. :( whatever, i'm so beyond actually caring. i really don't feel like an rla anymore... i just happen to work the desk every once in awhile. oh... the sounds of jazz coming from 101 today are actually good. i'm pleasantly surprised. i'm convinced that they haven't found out where the con is and insist on practicing in their rooms. grr... whatever.... okay, i'm going to maybe do something exciting now... prolly not... bye bye...

an exciting saturday night?

yes, it was an exciting night. slept through the choir concert, but ended up going to jessica's and hit up some pre-parties. and what party you ask, none other than the lovely pimp's and ho's party. i was going to dress up, but then jessica said she didn't really wanna go to the actual party, but then we did. but only for about two seconds. i was drunk. i'm not going to lie. i was not walking that well for awhile. and my head would get all disoriented when i moved. it was cool. and i actually played with a snake. not what you're thinking, nink, but an actual baby boa. (i think....) it was really cute. and the scales were really soft cause it just shed it's skin. i loved it. well, i was drunk so take that for what it's worth. surprisingly i did not get sick. and i don't have a really bad hangover today. my stomach hurts a bit, but that's cause i haven't really eaten anything yet. mostly cause i promised heidi that i'd go to brunch with her when she gets back from church. that should be really soon. i hope. i did eat some yogurt and drank some water when i got up at six o'clock. i think it was cause i was so dehydrated. but i felt better afterwards. i made a good decision not to attempt to get up in my bed, and prolly kill myself by going up the ladder. thus, the lovely couch made a nice place to sleep off my stupor. :) first time i've gotten drunk this term. and actually all year.. i haven't been really drunk... maybe tipsy... but it was really fun and i had a good time. so, there ya go. okay, i think i'm going to drink some water and wait for heidi to call. bye.

and no black superman is gonna come and save me.

yesterday was weird. i went to erb's and gerb's with heidi for dinner because downer was going to be closed by the time we got there and the food is always really bad when you get there really late. it was good to eat off-campus. :) mmmm.... after that we went to the wildspace dance company performance. it was pretty sweet. they did really modern stuff. but i really liked it. especially this one piece for a solo guy, it was amazing. then heidi decided to go back to her room to do some stuff before she was going to alex's party. i told her i might go to the orc party and that she should call me when she was going over there. i went back to plantz and decided to go see paris. she was cleaning her room and i stayed and talked to her for awhile. jeremy (her boyfriend) stopped by, but did really say anything, but just walked down the hall to talk to a bunch of freshman. we were talking and she was cleaning (she said she didn't want help...) and she had a bunch of movies from the desk. so i took them down to the desk for her. i talked with greg for a little bit, but decided that i wanted to see paris more because i never get to see her since we don't have class together anymore. but when i came back up to her room her door was closed and her and jeremy were fighting. (verbally... i'm pretty sure) he said, 'this is what always happens when your friends come around. you leave me and forget about me. you'd rather spend time with rachel than me.' etc, etc. i haven't seen paris all week, besides quick hellos and such in passing. all i wanted to do is spend time with my friend. yes, i told her that i might want to go the orc party, and she said she wanted to go. but as soon as jeremy came around she decided that she couldn't. and even when she wanted to simply tell me that she couldn't go out tonight because jeremy didn't want to, he followed us down the stairs and wouldn't let me talk to her alone. he's so controlling and i pretty much never see her without him. he apprently gets really jealous when she goes out without him. i can't stand him now. he's always there. and he's really mean to her. paris is not a wimpy girl, but he's horrible. even worse than reid.... he told me and paris that 'even though you're vegetarian, it doesn't mean you can't try new things.' (this to trying to eat some sort of meat that was still bloody looking at downer.) he's such an asshole. i cannot stand him for five seconds. i want to be able to talk to her without having him breathing down my neck. i'm so sick of him, and i'm pretty sure that he's making her depression worse because he's isolating her from pretty much everyone. i really hate him. i really do. she needs to get away from him. or he needs to ease up. she has a mind of her own and just because you think that parties are 'wrong' and that she wants to go to them without you, you need to just stand aside. she is with you all of the time. i think that one or two nights a week you can ease up. she has the right to do what she wants. just disappear.

damn, i'm really hungry. perhaps i'll make some food... a sandwich perhaps... i have yogurt too. perhaps i'll finally get dressed as well. :) bye.

scotch or razor blades, kids...

thanks, mr. debbaut. i really appreciate that you can share with us that you are an alcoholic with self-distructive tendencies. thank you for that. oh, and your story about your abusive parents was very inspirational, too. (yes, we do all have disfunctional households. my parents often beat me just for fun...) (oh wait....)

i purchased a keeper (a washable menstrual cup) along with four of my friends here. (to get 10% off... ) i'm really excited. i mean, only 30 cents a month, compared to around $5 a month. plus it's good for the environment and better for me. :) i'm throughly happy. you only have to change it twice a day... WHHAAAATTTT!!!! friggin amazing. if you are interested go to: http://www.thekeeper.com i'll keep yalls posted on how it works out. well, not detail, but whether it works and is good... hehe...

life is pretty good. i don't really do homework anymore. but i totally rocked my stats test yesterday. i sorta freaked out on one of the problems, but then i focused, settled and looked at it again... and bam! it totally did it. it was amazing. :) i have a psyc test tomorrow. i'm sorta worried, cause i don't know what to expect. good thing for the s/u opt. so even if i get a c, it won't show. :) okie, i better shower before i meet with liz. cause i be smelly. bye.

duuuuuuude.

there are exactly 342 days until i arrive in london, england. and for those glorious 11 weeks i will be the happiest girl in the world. :) i don't care if satan himself (not that i believe in satan...) comes to the london centre, i am going to have an amazing time regardless of who is with me. i have never been so excited for anything in my entire life. i mean, actually living in a foreign city... neato. and probably where i'm going to live for the rest of my life... (because they pay their teachers really well and have huge markets for them right now... just have to establish residency... maybe take a class or two and a test...) whew.. i almost get teary at that prospect. i'm just bursting with happiness.

facebook is weird. i don't know a few of the friends i have there. but yet i said yes. weird. but it is rather fun to look at people pics. hehe, funny, funny. do they seriously think people actually are going to form friendships there and make business connections or anything productive? no, people just want to have the most friends as possible. they don't give a rat's ass about actually being friends with people... it's a popularity contest... which now i am a part of... great... *remember, rachel, the facebook is only for entertainment purposes...*

okay, i'm going to actually finish my psyc reading today. and be my friend eliana's giving-blood-helper. awww. she sent me the funniest email the other day, UNITARIAN JIHAD!!!! yes, i am sister immaculate dagger of peace. yes, yes, i am. okie, bye.

tonight, i wanna ruin my life.

i wanna throw it all away, in a spectacular way.

seeing as i did pretty much nothing yesterday besides my laundry, i have a whole hell of a lot of homework to do. but it's the kind of homework that i don't really have to do (ie, i don't have to turn it in at any point) but if i don't do it then i will probably not do well on the test. sigh. i will get it done. grr my period key on my puter doesn't work very well. so i have to actually press it really hard. sad.

yesterday i did however go out my sis. and go for coffee with jessica at around 9:30pm. it was nice, to actually talk to her. she's a lot like me and i think that she could become one my strongest friends here. :) which brings the whole other issue of heidi. now, i love heidi. but i think i've gone on heidi overload. she's pretty much the only person i saw last week. pathetic. which is probably my own fault, but if i was to go see jessica, cory would be there. and cory seems to not like me at the moment. and i can't exactly say the feeling isn't mutal, as in whenever anything bothers me it just isn't a problem and we should concentrate on her. grr. whatever, she goes through phases. hopefully she'll work herself out of this funk and go back to be the happy cory we all love.

seriously, i'm going to do my homework now. bye.

curse you for breathing, you slack-jawwed idiot!

please go to sleep. stop throwing up. quit shouting. just be quiet. keep your business to yourself. if you just do that, i don't have to bother you. i will never have to do anything. i will never have to tell you to shut up, or turn your music down, or to do anything... you can go on your merry way. please, for the love of everything in this world. just shut up. for a few hours. just shut up.

i've gotta get it out.

it's time the truth was out, that he don't give a shit about me.

i truly don't remember what i wrote about this morning. i remember being here (at my desk) and typing. but no recollection of what about. maybe i am senile. (damn you, alzheimer's!!!)

i fixed my schedule. well, did what my advisor told me to do. it should work out. i hate the classes they are offering next year. that's not really true. but the fact that they aren't offering a whole shit load of my REQUIRED courses kinda pisses me off. senior year is going to be hell. i will be going crazy. good thing i'm not going to worry about it now!!

why did i sign up to help with liz's backyard bbq? i didn't really want to. but somehow i felt obligated to help. grrr, damn being a good person. it should be a fun day. ah, the plantz hall 'drive in'... it's going to rock. a whole lot. :)

and housing is going to work out. we gots the people. we're gonna meet and figure everything out and live in a frickin sweet room next year. awesome. go me. (ps. thanks to paris for being so awesome. you light up my life. you, bag o ho, you. )

laters.

i'm battered, broken.

i may have had a mini-nervous breakdown yesterday. thanks for making me feel stupid, just kidding. thanks for listening to me freak out. it meant a lot to me. maybe you do that too much... maybe i do that too much...

anywho... even though i worked really hard on my schedule last night, my advisor still is making me change things. grrr... whatever, i'll get it done. somehow. it just pisses me off that she thinks that i didn't like actually work on trying to make my schedule work. trust me, i spent several hours cursing at my computer screen trying to find some classes that would actually help me and don't completely conflict with each other. whatever, who cares. it'll all work out. it will. i just need to relaz... or perhaps relax. (cool it, eh?)

tonight is the last five years. it should be good. two weeks until guster. it should be good. although i can't really remember any of their songs. hm.. perhaps i should work on that. hehe, i have lots of work to do. i definitely feel asleep last night reading my psyc book. i almost read a chapter. too bad i have three more to read after that. but quite honestly, i just don't care. (but i did really care last night... i don't understand....)

okay, seeing as i hate this keyboard in the stats lab (ie it makes my wrists hurt :( sad ) i'm going to go back to my room and read some more psyc. hooray.

ps my sis is coming this weekend. yay!

he had it coming, he only had himself to blame.

if you'd a been there, if you'd a seen it. i bet you would have done the same.

okay, i seriously sorta cleaned my room yesterday. it looks good. i put my comforter on my couch and my little down blanket on my bed. mostly cause the comforter was too hot. and if you ever been in my room, you'd know that it is always steaming. although it's getting better because there's a bit of wind outside. and my fan of course.

i altered a couple of pairs of pants. they fit much better now. it makes me happy. i don't really know why i didn't just fix them in the first place, but at least they will fit really well for their last legs. haha, pants. legs. hehe. but they are super comfy now. :)

i have a whole lot of homework. i don't really know how i got to be two chapters behind in psyc, but i am. well, i do know how, i just didn't do the reading. but the class is so boring. prolly cause it's principles. and i took psyc in high school. whatever, ansfield is a funny man, so i guess it's ok. i'll deal. this term is so much better than last term. i can't even describe how much better i feel about things in general. yay for sunshine. yay for greening. yay for teaching. yay for cellos. yay for celling the playo. yay for life. yay for me. yay for being done. yay!

for you, i'm gonna try.

i want to tell her that she's great. not that i agree, and not that it will help. she's just got to figure it out herself. i just want her to know that we all love her. and we just want her to be happy. and happy with herself. she's such an awesome person. if she only let it out once in awhile. i wish i could see in her mind. what she's actually thinking. she seems so alone, and i know that we all think that because she had a boyfriend that she was always around someone, but i really think that she's actually really lonely. i think that she thought we were going to be weird about it. and thus we all never really communicated about anything. so, none of us know what is really going on. why is there always a barrier between people? why can't you just say what you feel? why can't i just say what i feel?

heidi is sort of dating alex winn. he's twenty-five. a sophomore. he's really nice and very sweet. yes, i'm totally jealous. but very happy for her. if that's possible. but i'm going to guster/better than ezra with her and alex. and apparently one of alex's friends. who knew? whatever, it's going to be good even if it is slightly awkward.

paris said that kristi and emily are interested about rooming with us, so that'd be super sweet if they'd do it. i would sleep better. i really don't wanna get completely screwed for housing. i wanna live in heitt. it would be so nice. so very, very nice. a lovely shower of two's own. :) well, maybe four's own at most. but it beats the plantz ickiness. hooray!!!

okay, you can go away now. (as julie mcquinn would say.) bye.

duty calls.

i'm really tired. bjorklunden was fun. it smelled like rotting poo around lake michigan which is sad but then again... what can ya do about that? it was nice to 'bond' with the cello studio. i think that a lot of the time we are way too serious about stuff. well, not really... but then again, sometimes i just don't know about say.. steve... oh steve... you are so weird.

otherwise than that... things are pretty cool here. i have a bit of homework to do. but i think i might wait to do that til tomorrow morning. or perhaps try to get through the classes tomorrow without it and finish it up tomorrow afternoon. seeing as no conducting and NO ORCHESTRA!!!! for a whole month!!!! :) i have just gained back six hours of my week. horray. that is very, very, very, very exciting. i am sooooo very happy. i really just can't deal with debbaut much longer. and his little walk down his disfunctional memory lane was not inspiring. it was just creepy as hell. okie. i think i've blabbed enough for awhile. i suppose i could do something while on duty... we did watch billy elliott (great movie!!) and now there's live jazz with tea time. it's pretty sweet. but i am so tired that i really just want to go to sleep. kk, later...

sunshine, on my window.

makes me happy. like i should be. outside, all around me, really sleazy. don't tell me, you can't see, what it means to be me, me, ME!

sitting in my little room, listening to the sambista's practicing outside. not lights on, just the dim glow from the sun invading my north-facing room. it is happy. it is beautiful outside. i hope it is this nice at bjorklunden. that would make me very happy. :) i'm really glad i'm getting away. i need to be away from the quad mishap for a few days. i don't wanna be angry with heidi, or eliana who is now dropped out.... but i am. thanks guys for ruining housing for all of us again. thanks. i'm sad and disappointed, but what can i do about it? pretty much nothing. i just need to be away for a few days. it'll be nice. to relax. hang with the studio. (ps... at least natalie isn't going... i love her, but... i don't think i could take a weekend of it...)

i got a b on my stats quiz... cause i kinda forgot a formula... well mis-remembered it. oops. whatever, i still think i'm going to do okay in this class. i hope.

something else i was going to say... hm... don't remember....

oh wait!!! the thing was that celine was knocking on my door cause this girl on our floor was having a party that night.. and being noisy and stupid.. but i sorta slept through it.. i'm sorry... (why she didn't call security after her, katy, and keegan couldn't get it under control, i really don't understand???) i mean in understand wanting to this girl's trust.. but after two hours and three different rla's.. you need more help... seriously. i hope she at least filled out an incident report. i hope.

kk, that is all. i think. today is a good day. even though my two least favorite people from lawrence are going to london with me. it's k. because i am going to have a wonderful time, i don't care about them... they will not ruin this for me. i'm going to do my thing and have a blast. :)

the strangeness of the unconcious mind.

i had the weirdest dream last night. weirder than the jeremiah jacobson love affair thing even. okay, here it goes.

it all started by me being some sort of a mentor person for a high schoolish orchestra. i was talking with this guy that was about 14 or so. i convinced him to play in the orchestra, but it was apparent that he was only doing it because he had a huge crush on me. ...that was pretty short part in the dream... okay, then i proceeded to get lost around the school and became anxious about something. cut to the hotel part of the school. i am with person A. it is implied that i have had sex with him at some point, but that is not part of the dream. there is lots of hugging and kissing, but then he bites my neck. ah ha, he's a vampire. but somehow i'm okay with it for the moment. something happens and he leaves. then i meet up with person B and the same thing happens with him. the whole neck biting thing and then he leaves. then i sort of freak out at person A, saying that 'this isn't right'... blah blah blah, and run away. i meet person B again, he comforts me and tries to kiss me. i push him away and suddenly person A is also there. they chase me back to my room, but i close and lock the door before they get in. i refuse to come out. then this other boy comes to my door and knocks. he is accompanied by his 'friend'... but when i actually let him into my room the friend vanishes. this boy also tries to kiss me. and i run away, yet again. in this hotely thing, there is a huge water park thing and i go down a waterslide. there is also a little boy going down the waterslide with me. there is a big drop at the end of the slide. end of dream.

pretty weird, eh? yeah, i was sorta freaked out, but i just can't stop thinking about it. yeah, i'm sexually repressed. but, i know that. i have a strange urge to make out with someone. hehe... i'm sure you all don't want to read that. okay, that's all. i'm going to take a nap now. cause i'm tired. i didn't do much sleeping last night... if you know what i mean. jk. bye.

it's not about love.

cause i am not in love.

i really love the new fiona apple cd. it is freakin amazing. i can't stop listening to it. it makes me very happy!

so much for the good news, celine is trying my patience. i really just can't handle that she never helps me with the whole rla thing. pretty much everything we ever do, i have to kick her in the ass to get it done. but somehow people always get the impression that she has done all of the work. i don't understand. i'm the one working hard and being on top of things and people think SHE'S the one doing all this shit. fuck that. i'm so fucking sick of people taking advantage of me. all i wanted was for her to tell me what nights she was availible or to tell me what dates would be okay for stuff. but she igores me, talks to other people and then is just like 'i don't know...' so i left. i put dates on the paper, and if that's not going to work then fuck it. cause quite honestly i just don't care. i'm doing my job and if she doesn't want to help then i guess i can't force her. but i'm just going to have to talk with her about it. 'she needs to be told about herself!' and if that doesn't work i'm going to liz. so basically, if you are in a professional relationship of cooperative responsibilites, don't drop the ball all of the time. it fucking sucks for everyone else.

otherwise today was okay, even though debbaut kept us 15 mins over. if i'd of realized i would have fuckin walked out. what an ass. i really just don't like him and want this whole orchestral year to be over NOW!!!!! thus said, gnite.

stuff about things.

blogger officially hates me. whatever... grr....

i dropped conducting. i feel really good about it. cause now i'll actually have sometime to breathe this term. (shocking!!!)

i'm going to bjorklunden this weekend with the cello studio. it should be fun. i'm excited. even though i also went away last weekend. funny how that works, but at least i'll eat good food. mmm... bjorklunden. mmmm......

soon to come: super fun pics of heidi, greg and i 's CRAZY night. they are super fun. really, really super fun. so you'll just have to come back to see them... but then i have to also get to a scanner and scan them... eep! work! i can't do that!!!

kk, bye!

hello sweet mess.

i am back in my little room. after only being in it for 6 days, it was really weird to leave again. it was really strange to see my family without my pup. :'(

so here's the deal. my pup went to the kennel for the weekend that we were in milwaukee. apparently when she was there she was having huge problems getting up off of their slippery concrete floors, thus she really hurt her extremely weak muscles in her legs. (and probably also inflamed her arthritis.) when my parents got back, they picked her up from the vet and she just cried and cried all night. sad. :( then apparently during the next few days she could not get up off of the floor, kept severely bumping into walls and various things. she was extremely confused and couldn't get up most of the time. and being that my parents couldn't be with her 24 hrs a day, it just became apparent that her suffering was too great, and she needed to be put down. when the vet looked at her before the 'procedure', he basically said, 'well, i'm not going to tell you she's blind, but basically she can only see light.' i am still sad about it, for obvious reasons, but mostly because it feels too weird to not have her at home. it seems empty and lonely. the house is going to be too quiet. the kitties will get lonely. :'(

i think that's about it. i need to clean and do pretty much all of my homework for this weekend today. and i'm on duty tonight. suck. i really don't like being on duty just for the fact that i can't leave the building. so constraining. poo. okay, i'm done. bye guys.

april's fool.

it appears to be me. there were balloons all over the bathroom this morning. it was strange, especially because i couldn't sleep last night. thus, getting around 3 hours (and nothing strange going on in the bathroom as of 2:15amish) it was really weird to be wide awake at 5:30 and find balloons everywhere. whatever, i don't really care, and it prolly pissed off steve. thus it made me happy.

whoever sent me the fiona apple cd (i'm not sure if it's new or just stuff i haven't heard...) but it is really good. it also made me very happy. so, thank you.

i like conducting. but if debbaut makes another smug comment about something i may extract his eye with my bare hands. yeah, that's pretty much it. (I WAS PLAYING PONTICELLO!!!!)

bye.

crestfallen.

my pup was euthinized on wednesday. i am sad. i guess there isn't much to say. it is rather fitting that wednesday's weather turned sour. the cheery sun is gone now, and the gray clouds are here once more. i didn't mean that as cheesy as it sounds. but it does fit my mood. on the other hand, today was pretty good. the pat mccurdy concert was really good. it made me feel a lot better to just have a few laughs and sing ridiculous songs. hopefully we can find two more people that are going off campus second term so we can get a quad in heitt or sage. that'd be fricken sweet.

'who am i, to need you when i'm low. who am i?'

rip my dear ryan romping in the holly. you were a wonderful pet and a true friend. i'll never look at waffles the same way.. or at least without thinking of you. i will miss you dearly. goodbye.