well well well

almost the beginning of a new term. the last 'real' term of college. i guess student teaching is technically still college, but seeing as i have no real connection with the school anymore i can think of it as being done. yeah. i'm pretty freaked out about all that is going to happen in the next year. i finish school, start an actual career, probably move back home until i find a real job, and then start my 'adult' life. i don't think i'm ready to have a full time career. i would truly love to travel for the entirety of my adult life and never have to do anything else. well, besides play music for people. i guess i would miss teaching too, but i'm not sure if i could really do the whole put down roots in a town and teach at one school for 20 years thing. i dunno. i feel like my life could be so set and i'm only 21. it's scary. and without someone else to share that with it is even more scary. i feel i could be in one place, alone for the rest of my life. and that is completely unappealing. i guess i always assumed that someday my life would automatically make sense. but it only seems that it makes sense when i can look back through it. and i don't want to live my life five years in the past... or more. that's stupid. i'm not really sure what i want and what will happen. and it's stupid to think that i really will... perhaps ever. and i am completely aware that most people my age at the end of college and still single have the same fears. at least i tell myself that. maybe i'm fooling myself. eh, fake happinesss is still happiness. i guess. okay, enough weird rambling. back to practicing and reading... (sadly i've read three novels since i got home on monday.... i know....) but my cello is fixed and i feel rested and refreshed. things are looking up.

recital in 21 days from tomorrow. april 7th, 5pm, harper hall. i'm getting really excited. really. a bit anxious. but excited.

later.