pity?

why didn't i actually do my paper yesterday? prolly because i'm lazy and don't care. i think i got a fairly good start on it... i mean it sucks, but it is good enough.

it didn't happen. it was sad. i actually was expecting it to. which is stupid, thus i should have just taken matters into my own hands. but i didn't. i went to sleep. :(

whatever. whatever. whatever.

am i a schizoid?

i feel that it is entirely possilbe! i thought i was just going to sit in my room and be angry last night... over something completely stupid. but then cory showed up, and then eliana, and then greg. it was one of the better nights i've had in awhile... well, at least since i've been sick. i miss just talking until late with people that actually like talking about interesting things. :) ah, intellectual stimulation... that sounds dirty. hehe. 'we're jammin, we're jammin'.. and i hope you like jammin' to...' oh bob marley.. you make me happy. and make me think of alex. without him i probably wouldn't even listen to bob. (it was the good outcome...)

hello cliff, am i going to fall off now? i wish i would.. i don't like staring over the edge, almost teetering forward but somehow always pulling myself back. i just want to jump head first off of it. into whatever is below. i don't care, but it can't be worse than seeing it from afar.

i have a paper to write. i'm really not worried about it. it makes me happy that it is for my s/u class, therefore i don't really care if i don't do well, because i'm pretty sure that i will still manage a c even if i do horribly. (but i'm pretty sure i'll get an a-/b+) we'll see if i take off the s/u thing... i can't really remember what i got on the last test... hm... i thought it was a b... maybe i'm wrong... i probably wrote it somewhere. i guess. OH! the test that i took a day late because i was sick... i actually did really well on. i only got .75 points off... which came to a lovely 98.5% on the test. :) i might actually be able to get an a out of the class. hooray! here i come to an overall 3.4 grade point. hello dean's list... la la la.

perhaps i should get back to work. but i feel like dancing around and being silly. sounds like a plan to me. commence dancing wildly in my own little room. (i'm going to miss it next year... well, many things will be missed next year... so sad...) (but hiett will be very nice.. i know it will.. i will make it so...) have a pleasant memorial day, everyone.

fuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuck.

i hate life. i hate people. i hate talking. i hate boys. i hate girls. i hate hating.

sigh.

sick-wise, i feel much better. muscularly i feel much worse (prolly cause i got all excited yesterday when it didn't hurt that much and over extended myself... oo that sounds impressive...) mostly i just want to sit and cry. well, not really, but i do feel like a rather painful brand of shit. probably mostly psychological, but nonetheless painful.

this afternoon i shall read. read a lovely book and daydream. whilst stretching, of course. i really need to go to a chiropractor. money is a horrible thing. (which reminds me that we didn't get paychecks last week... that made me very sad. and i also still need to deposit my checks... grr...)

tonight? let me know...

oh shack-a-thon. how wonderful you are! i like this pic a whole lot, even though it's creepy. (shams, why are you pointing at my boob???) hehehe! 

restful + sleep = me?

i am completely surprised at the fact that i actually slept for eight hours without having to get up in the middle and take more codeine-filled cough syrup. perhaps i'm getting better??? that would make me oh so happy. then i could go outside and sit in the sunshine and probably get burned.. but it will be wonderful because it will be beautiful outside. and the ground isn't wet because it hasn't rained in almost a week. :) things are looking up. also, it is really early. i'm okay with that as i went to sleep early, but sort of amazing nonetheless. and as i don't have anything to do today until 4:15 when i have to go to asta, i'm not sure what today will entail. i should really go to the gym. perhaps a bike ride would be good too... so much that i could do. so little that i want to do. well, cept for one thing. but i lack the courage for that. sigh. perhaps i could muster up enough tonight? or perhaps saturday... it will be captive then! then i shall attack. and by attack i mean, well, not.

today is rla appreciation day. sadly it would have been cooler if i hadn't known that it was going to happen today. who ever put it on this week is a dumb box. that's lame-o. i have streamers on my door and my head from that pic where nik is sawing off my head is captioned with 'hugs, kisses, flowers, a million dollars, your first born child... she deserves them all...' tis very funny... hehe!

oh nik, i want to go home right now. well, as long as i could take someone with me. oh shams, i'm so jealous of you and i want to go in your suitcase. summer will not be same without iusing you to play old nintendo.... i mean, seeing you all of the time. sigh. remember that time when you waited outside my car at target. yeah. that was creepy. :) okay, there's only two weeks left here (which is horrible in some cases and wonderful that i will be home soon-ish) i am done. bibi.

red room, bedroom.

clean sheets.

i'm still sick. i didn't take my math test today, but i will take it tomorrow. i hope i don't completely fail it. i know i won't but right now i know i can't really think all that well.

i want to go to sleep, but i have to go to orchestra. i'm pretty sure he'd kill me if i didn't go. yup. sad. and next week we have extended rehersals.. thus i will be late to our very last staff meeting. that makes me sad. :( whatever.

on the plus side, i did get free narcotics from the health center. so that's cool.. codeine makes me very sleepy. very very sleepy. but then i can actually sleep and not cough up a lung at night! :)

i suppose that's about it. i hate being sick. i'm sick of school. i'm sick of being here. i'm in a rut. hello, rut. how are you? good bye.

so very weak.

i am sick. i was coughing so much last night i thought my throat would fall off. it made me sad. but there is something oddly satisfying about a good cough every once in a while.

today is liz's backyard bbq. if i didn't feel like shit i would be excited. then i'm going to steven's point later this afternoon to attend my sis's graduation. i'm really glad that she's graduation. mostly for her sake, i know she doesn't want to deal with that shit anymore.

la la la. i just want to run up there and profess. but i don't. i can't. i know i can't. but there was something there, i swear. maybe i'm crazy and looking way too deep into everything, but i swear... i swear it was there. and this is all under such a time constraint. ......... i don't know what to do. i know what i need to do. but i won't.

well, i suppose the best i can do is shower and hope for the best. at least i actually started to study for my stats exam on monday. :) i think i understand this material, and we do get a formula sheet this time around, so i think i can do it. (why can't i actually study for the quizes.. then i might ACTUALLY get a decent grade... well i know i'll get a b no matter what, but i really need an a... i do...)

that is all.

home. a new one.

we got our quad in hiett. i'm very excited. i love paris. she has so much drama, but from her i can take it. i think that her living with someone again will be good for her. now if she could just dump jeremey. sigh. that would be too much to ask.

in other news, i haven't been sleeping very well. i go to sleep, and wake up like twenty minutes later and am awake for another fourty minutes to an hour. it is ridiculous. last night was better. i think i got around six hours. but i was super exhausted. whoo.

last night was also star wars. it was surprisingly better than i thought it would be. the first halfish was terrible (ie the really fake burst into tears by natalie portman and cheesy lines...) but the second half was pretty sweet. (the wookie army wasn't really that cool... sad... i mean basically they fight and then you see chewie for like two seconds. lame-o) but it was cool.. i wore the yoda hat. it was SWEET. and we actually got pretty good seats even though there were pretty much no seats left in the theatre when we got there. so i sat on the floor and heidi followed suit. so this guy was all like 'aw, you girls can sit here. *motioning to the shirt draped over two seats in front of him* i just didn't want anyone to sit in front of me. but you'll be okay...' okay, i was first like sweet, we have somewhere to sit. then i was like who the hell saves seats in front of them just because they don't want someone in front of them in a stadium style theatre. crazy. i just don't understand. but we got good seats and i guess that's what's important. hehe. :)

i feel more tired today now that i've actually slept. hopefully my sleep schedule will normalize really soon and i can not feel so much like a slug during the day. :) that is all. you can go away now. (much love to julie mcquinn)

i (don't) feel pretty

not that i really care. our society bases way too much on appearence. i've resigned myself to the fact that i'll never fit in with the stereotypically beautiful thing. and it's stupid and exspensive... so basically, yup i'll never even be able to do that.

that reminds me that i need to deposit a bunch of stuff into wells fargo. perhaps i'll actually do that this week. it could happen. i mean, i did turn in my direct deposit slip, declared a major and cashed a check all in one day. i can be productive if i try really hard. if only i could actually try hard for my classes. (i may have not studied at all for my psyc exam... not that i really care. but sad nonetheless...)

this whole deal is ridiculous. i need to stop. but somehow it is pleasantly nice. it's been awhile, but still it is not going to do anything. as there will be (probably) a very large distance. sigh. i guess that's my fate. sigh.

off to do some work. is it bad that i didn't practice again this week... well, that much... oops. yet, i don't care. i need it to be summer. and me not to be taking college classes. i miss con classes. they are actually interesting. :) i love music.

bye.

total and complete randomness...

i was on duty last night. i decided to check my email.. when, who asked me to be their friend on facebook? none other than my very best friend from 5-6th grade.. crazy! i haven't seen/talked to her in like a REALLY long time. cahrayzee. she was the coolest person i'd ever met and during that point in my life i really needed a friend (as the rest of mine decided to not talk to me... sad...) but then she moved and we didn't really talk. well, i think she sorta moved on. (and what can i say, i'm a weird kid... and really bad about keeping in contact with people...) but it made me really happy. :)

that is all...

oh! nik and shams. i love you. both. a whole lot. it meant so much that you came to visit me. a lot, lot. i'm going to miss you shams this summer, but you'll come back and then during sept, i will live in yur apartment. :) jk... jk lol... hehehe. okie, now it is really all.

TIME TO SHOWER!!!! yay!!!

a watched pot never boils.

never have been good at this whole waiting thing. sigh. i want yalls here now. i hate waiting. it makes me pout. humf. my mumsie sent me the summerfest music. it looks wicked hard. but i'm so excited! so, i'm going to work super hard on it. it'll be good, just looks like woodshedding stuff. :)

i had my london orientation yesterday. it was wonderful. i'm so excited to be there and to 'become a londoner..' (as all of the stuff says i should...) i'm still considereing if i want to bring my laptop or not. i mean, it is perhaps a piece of shit, but to not have it seems wholly odd to me. not being able to check my email whenever and such would prolly kill me. for real. but it does weigh a lot and would take up a lot of my valuable packing space. sigh, i suppose i'll decide later. as i have almost a year to figure it all out. (but i'm not going to leave everything to the last minute. no no, i'm going to plan this summer a whole lot. hello, london guidebooks...)

i think that's about it... this week has been awesome and this weekend is going to be the best in a long time. :) hooray. okay, bye!

so close, so far.

i feel like tomorrow will never come. the rest of this week has gone really fast, but today is almost at a stand still. i feel like i've been up for around six hours, when in fact i got up at 7:30. i don't understand. well, i know that i'm just excited for nik and shams to get here, but seriously... why does today have to take so long? grr.

i have a whole lot of little things that i should do today. but alas, i fear that i truly lack the will to do them. i need to cash a check or two and deposit the rest. (hooray for $300 pay checks! hell yeah, for $9, $13 and $14/hour jobs!!! as well as getting $66 every pay period for being an rla.. sigh, i will miss that money next year... sigh...) dude, i really hope the street musician thing works out this summer. that would be way sweet... and i hope i make a lot of money, so i can actually afford london without too much depletion of my bank accounts. i hope, i hope, i hope. :)

i think that is all. bye, bye.

hey, i live up to my name!

i really am going to be cellerific this summer! i mean, being a street musician and dun-dun-duh!!!


PLAYING AT SUMMERFEST!!!

yup, that's right, my mum said that a package from summerfest came to the house yesterday. so i called, she opened it and it said i was in and there was music. so she said she was going to send it off to me today. hooray! i'm super-de-duper excited. yay!

i think that's about it. (only today and tomorrow, and then you're here. hooray!)

oh, and i got the 'i think you're super' award. hooray. i rule. and with that. i. am. le. done.

well, since i have nothing better to do.

1. What time is it: 10:09
2. Name as it appears on birth certificate: Rachel Leanne Knipfer
3. Nicknames: Rachie, Rach, Achie, Ach, Ray Ray, (a new favorite at school) Lil' Ray Ray, Achifer, Doughba, Trippy Kanippy, Ho Bag, hm... prolly more...
4. Piercing: one in each ear and one cartilage piercing on the left ear.
5. What is the most recent movie you've seen in the theater? well, in the theatre... miss congeniatilty 2 (my sis really wanted to see it... and since i've seen the first one about a billion times, i went... it was okay...)
6. Eye color: brown with just a hint of greeny-yellow around the edges.
7. Place of birth: Olmsted County Hospital, Rochester, MN
8. Favorite foods: pasta, anything that has a lot of calories and little nutritional value.
9. Ever been to Africa? only in my dreams.
10. Ever been toilet papering? hm... no
11. Love someone so much it made you cry? more than once? yes, and yes.
12. Been in a car accident? only with nik and stefo... hehe..
13. Croutons or bacon bits? seeing as i don't eat bacon, i guess croutons, but i don't really like them either...
14. Favorite day of the week? any day when i wake up from a glorious dream.
15. Favorite restaurants? china one (roch), taste of thai (appley), katsu ya of japan (appley)
16. Favorite flower? forget-me-nots, pansies, or sunflowers.
17. Favorite sport to watch? soccer... specially british premier league!
19. Favorite ice cream? my NEW favorite, is bummble buzz at baskin robins... it's SO good.
20. Disney or Warner Brothers? as horrible as disney is, i do love to sing along to their lovely animated musicals... sigh... but warner brothers is okay too...
21. Favorite fast food restaurants: erb's and gerb's... yummy!
22. What color is your bedroom carpet: appley- creamy colored squares with beigey colors too... it was cheap! home- none, i have wood floors.
23. How many times did you fail your driver's test? i never failed it.. but i did fail the 90 degree back in.. which should have been an automatic fail, but the guy was nice... yay!
24. Before this one, from whom did you get your last e-mail? kristin tomayo about LUVV (lawrence university vegetarians/vegans
25. Which store would you choose to max out your credit card? prolly best buy or some book store.
26. What do you do most often when you are bored? read, movies, internet, blog, write... whatever..
27. Bedtime: ridiculously early for my age, so prolly around 11:30-12ish...
i cut out the stupid questions!
31. Favorite TV shows? Degrassi,The Daily Show, Family Guy, South Park, Futurama, i don't watch tv at school... so ya know... whatever...
32. Last person you went to dinner with? i haven't eaten dinner since saturday... and i think that was with eliana... sad....
33. Ford or Chevy: Ford, i guess... the focus is a cute car..
34. What are you listening to right now? whatever's on shuffle in my cd player...
35. What is your favorite color: blue
36. Lake, Ocean or River: open water sorta creeps me out, but i really liked the mediterrean because it was SO clear and clean!
37. How many tattoos do you have? none, considering getting a lotus with a chalice.... considering
38. Time you finished this e-mail: 10:26
40. If you could talk with anyone who has ever lived - past, present, or future - who would it be? i agree, if they haven't lived yet, how do you know who they are... i suppose my children would be kinda cool, but somehow i don't think i'll have any...
41. Who do you know that truly loves and lives life to the fullest? no one, because you can't all of the time. at times life sucks and you can't make the most of every situation. duh!

okay, i'm done... i don't really know why i did it... but it occupied a bit of time... yay!

days like this, i don't know what to do with myself.

all day, and all night. i wander the halls along the walls and under my breath i say to myself i need fuel to take flight.

i am happy today. today is my victory day. yes, victory is mine. all mine. i don't know in what or how, but it is. haha!

the trees are blooming and the leaves have come back. it is happy. the world is suddenly not bare, but green and living. :) it is very happy. there is a really pretty tree outside, which i can see from my window, that has pretty white flowers. it reminds me of my trees at home. sigh. i bet the cherries are in blossom. so pretty. and the lilacs and chokecherries will be blooming soon, as well. pretty, pretty, pretty. the world is so beautiful today. it is really nice, even if it is slightly humid. the sun is shining and the wind is blowing. happy day.

i need to practice the beethoven. i need to call places for shack-a-thon. grr. but the places i've called have said no. grr. grr. grr. hopefully i can call places tomorrow.. cause i prolly won't do it today. sigh.

i suppose that is it, i'm really excited about this weekend. ridiculously excited. yay! (and no... you will never find him... never... i hid him well....)

bye.

that small flame.

rachel. you need to stop making excuses. just do it. just go and don't think. stop over analyzing. it will be okay. you know that. you do.

i did some laundry today. it is nice. my room smells all clean now. yay! once they all actually dry, i will have a nice, clean and happy room. :) my package came. i am very happy about that. somehow, whenever i order something i always am so anxious until it actually arrives. i'm probably crazy. whatever, over it.

yesterday was nice. halo is very confusing and fascinatingly violent. but it made a strange pair with hotel rwanda that i saw before it. (i cried SO much during the movie...) too much violence in one night.

i don't plan on doing much else today besides read. and hey, it's reading period so why not?? hehe. okay, i'm going go. and do. stuff. yeah.

yesterday.

was pretty friggin weird. i cleaned. my room looks pretty sweet, save from all of the clothes that need to be washed (sad...). but basically i think this is going to work out rather nicely. yay! i went to asta. last rehersal before the big concert on sunday. i hope, hope, hope they do well. i think i've done a pretty, gosh, darn good job. they're gonna sound good. (i should really practice the piano part of o, waly, waly... oops!) i came back. eliana left without me for dinner (i guess i was late???) so i just didn't eat. (prolly not the best choice, but i was going to leave in about 20 minutes when she finally found me and told me she had already eaten.... boo...) then i went bowling (for a little program we call 'bowl til you drop') but i could only stay until 9pm. then liz took me back to campus... and i was on duty in ormsby. pretty painless. i watched the empire strickes back. (i love how our dorms have the original versions... not the special editions... i haven't seen them in SUCH a long time...) tonight will prolly be return of the jedi, as i've watched each one, each night this week. :) i'm really excited to see episode III, even though it's supposed to be 'a tear-jerker' and will likely suck big time. but it's k. i still really wanna see it. :) i really love star wars. well, i mostly like science fiction/fantasy... hehe. only eightt days, kiddos... eight days... hooray! if only that meant i was done with school. but, alas, it is not. i still have just about a month left. five weeks, in fact. sigh. i'll be okay. at least my room looks good. yay! (some one told me it looked more 'hello, come in to my room... let's be friends...' hehe) okay, enough procrastinating, time to blow-dry and dress.. and go buy laundry tokens... alright! bye bye.

i can't explain all the feelings that you're making me feel.

my heart's in overdrive and you're behind the steering wheel.

for once this actually corresponds to my post. after an actually okay night of duty, as i watched star wars episode iv: a new hope with peeps, got pizza, and even got a very short serenade by a very cute guy... sigh.. and then played ddr with greg and heidi for two hours. (i actually played the whole time :) ) i haven't had that fun a night in awhile. and no drinking or anything. good to know you can have fun without it. (jk) thus, reading period has begun and i have a whole lot of work. such a crazy four days. daze. hm...

hm... i should sleep, as we promised to go to breakfast at 8:30am. and that's about six hours from now. okay. i. am. going. to. sleep. now.

get me off of this crazy thing called love.

well, well, well. today is a victory day for rachel. yes, indeed today will prove victorious as she plays her movement memorized and well learned. hopefully he won't rip me apart too much. :) i really need to shower and do some listening. but i feel so lethargic. sigh. almost reading period. almost. so very close. i can taste it. (why does amelie's skin look blue? is she suffocating??)

well, i suppose i shall go. go and be productive. i guess. perhaps a real post later.

we are stupid, happy and numb.

hm... hm... hm... what to do this morning. i really need to do laundry. no joking. but that means i have to sort the clothes and do just one load (as i only have two precious laundry tokens. sigh...) so sad... but it needs to be done. alas...

i know you all wanted to surprise me... that's nice... but unfortunately, i do have lots of shit going on. :( but, that weekend is actually pretty decent. well, minus shack-a-thon. but i know that we could just go for awhile and leave... not sure what we'd do... but something....

:) have a beautiful day all... although it's prolly gonna be like 30 degrees outside... sad...

a pretty piece of flesh.

i just rediscovered the romeo and juliet soundtrack. while the movie is pretty but a rather weird interpretation of the story, the soundtrack is really good. :) i couldn't sleep last night. i think it was because i was in too much pain. i seriously hurt myself moving my furniture yesterday with stefo. i'm so sore... mostly my hips and glutes... why? i have no idea. but i think i'm going to like my new set up. after i actually get all cleaned and organized. cause now, well.. it isn't. and i've also realized that i have WAY too much stuff in this room. good thing the rents are coming in three weeks... then i'll get rid of a bunch of it. most of it is stupid crap that i thought i might need, but really will never need at school. i might be stupid. :'(

but knee-key (and shlamg if she can... ) is going to visit me!!!! YAY!!!! i'm so happy... :)

'i had a dream last night, and it fit me like a glove. heads to the montagues, john wayne and betty davis. romeo gave it for a chorus girl in vegas, yeah. juliet is up in heaven, pocket full of pills. and jesus drives to mexico to get her prescription filled. yeah, rock out, whatever...'

okay, i'm going to gather my school stuff and go eat some breakfast and go to class... :) bye.