it is getting hot in herrrreee

no, seriously.... i was so hot last night i thought i would never get to sleep... which isn't too far from the truth. so now i feel really tired today and my paper sucks. well my paper sucks regardless of my sleeping. :'( oh well, i feel that he'll grade them pretty easy. but i don't really care. this class is pretty pointless as i've already taken psych and most of the people in my class seem to be very unintelligent. whatever...

okay, that's all for now... i feel i shall post later tonight... when i'm relaxing cause i don't have orch. actually i think i'll be doing all the work i should have done this weekend. but whatever, it'll still be good. later.

one more try...

for real this time... :)

snip, snip...

so this is my haircut... this is the front view.
















this is the side view....

that is all....

oopie

i forgot to mention it's also mozart's 250th birthday. happy birthday man... i really wish you wrote more opera's like don giovanni or stuff like the lacremosa... congrats dude!

okay.

i'm feeling okay. not bad. or great. but okay. i have a shit load of stuff to do, but actually have some motivation to do it. no real classes today- thus i should have time to do some things... and i'm not planning on going anywhere tonight... cept maybe for trivia for a bit... but i have to sleep sometime early...

orchestra concert tomorrow. i'm really looking forward to it. we're playing schumann's (robert) new england triptych, prokoviev piano concerto #1 and elgar's enigma variations. i'm pretty sure i'm going to cry during the nimrod variation. even if you hate classical music this is one piece that transcends musical taste... it is so beautiful. i could probably listen to it for days... and currently it is, in my mind, above barber's adagio for strings... yup you heard me.

okay, i need to shower and start doing work...

ready.. set... shower!

well, that hurts...

something happened last night between paris and jeremey... apparently the police were called... but paris has decided not to tell me what happened... i'm a little worried and just want to know if she's okay... but there's nothing... i am in the dark.

i get a kick out of you!

i wrote some poetry last night. it was probably the most theraputic thing i've done all week. i'd sorta forgotten about that. everything about last night was good. i was getting sick of feel shitty about everything. i just needed to really get over everything and realize that things aren't that bad.

i keep dreaming about london. really stupid everyday dreams... just about sitting in parks and reading. but they are lovely. my plan so far is to truly digest at least one museum a week... yes, i will go to one museum five days in a row... and if you've ever been to the british museum you would know it would not be hard to spend a lifetime looking at all the stuff they have. sorta sad... but really interesting. and i also plan to go to some sort of performance every week, if not more often. i want to see the london symphony at least once (depending on the prices i can find!), the london opera (i'm pretty sure they're doing puccini??), and perhaps the ballet... as well as a smattering of plays and such. and i get to see a bunch of plays for shakespeare in london. :) i'm so happy about next term. prolly one of the things getting be through this term. winter term is such hell. yay for springtime in london!!! :) :) :) :) :)

later.

i feel...

on the whole i feel better. i feel very stupid for my gossiping yesterday. and i don't really know why i freaked out so much... mostly cause i felt like crap anyway and didn't need to be reminded why i had been so upset the days before. i just wanted a night to not worry about that shit... but since i'm stupid and said all that shit... i deserved it. i did. but i don't think i was spreading rumors... in that everything that i said was just based on personal experience with these girls. whatever... it doesn't matter and i just need to not think about stuff... mostly i just want to not be here right now. i just want to go home and not have all this shit happening right now...

maybe this weekend will be better... i guess...

well

i've soared way past sanity and gone into full 'i hate myself and everything about me' mode. i don't really feel like posting everything, but basically i am very, very, very stupid. and i don't feel that i shall ever recover... well, at least until the weekend. then i can just solve my problems with alcohol or some other substance... i guess...

just feeling sad and alone and without hope...

a look from you...

and i would fall from grace. i've rediscovered this song from the fourty year old virgin. i liked that movie a whole lot. i loved this song when i was little because it was on one of my fave tapes that had a whole bunch of kinda strange 80's songs... including 'say, say, say' by michael jackson and paul mccartney, 'love is a battlefield' by pat benetar, 'cum on feel the noise' by quiet riot, and other stuff.. i've dled a bunch of them... it made me happy. 'heat of the moment.. that showed in your eyes....' hehe, happy memories!!!

today i have to seriously do some reading and think about my paper. good thing i'm not planning on much today besides work. well, save from going to help/hinder gabby with her radio show. i'm actually excited. :) i like the radio.. i really should listen to our more often.. specially now the my puter might actually be able to handle internet radio. concept, whatta... hehe...

must think of way to hang out more... but without being too thirsty... hm... it will be hard....



this is a cute pic of us girlies... we're all a little drunksih... and i am as pink as my shirt.. i get red when i drink... and they made me blush... :) this is pre-the goodness. all in all it was a fabulous night. well minus getting seperated and then walking home and feeling the world doesn't love me. but that only lasted a few moments.


ps. grover is my stuffed animal. do not come between me and him... it'll get ugly... trust me. :)


later.. everybody....

changes for rachel...

i guess... i don't really know if the whole debachle changed anything. at least for the better. i want to believe that it did. and that it was for me. but somehow i have the ability to doubt myself. but there was this moment... and it was wonderful... it felt really long, but it wasn't... it just felt right. even it wasn't what you are probably thinking it was... it was just like this moment when i actually felt okay about the whole thing. not that i was weird or that it was not a good thing to have done... it was just okay. calm. i guess.

i wasn't really drunk.. i didn't have a buzz. for future reference, cranberry lime juice is VERY good with vodka. very, very, very good. but we went to orc... but people got kicked out.. i was pushed outside. i couldn't get back in. i was freezing out in the cold. and waited for a long time... but i just decided that i should go. i couldn't just stand there looking awkward... whatever. it's all good.

i have lots of work to do. i have a paper due tuesday.. on kant... which i sort of understand but not sure i do enough to write anything thoughtful about the aesthetic theory... sigh. someday i will be smart. i guess. i also have lots of reading to do. perhaps that is what i should do tonight. yes, i will. and perhaps watch some will and grace (or see if my family guy is here!!!)... but i should at least do something. i can't do nothing today. i just can't. specially since i don't have any sort of hangover. :) okay.. later.

the return to innocence...

i don't really know what that has to do with my post, but i sort of rediscovered that song recently... i used to love it so much... i would literally wait by the radio until it came on.. i know, i was a weird kid.

okay.. yesterday was pretty awesome. i actually got my oboe notebook done in like three hours... pretty awesome. well, actually it prolly is really bad and somehow i forgot to put my name on it. i'm really stupid sometimes... but i emailed mrs. michelic and it'll all be okay. now if i could only get the rest of my work done... if only... grrr... oh, i need to email mr. michelic too... well, i should at least look on voyager. grr! anywho, getting back to last night, i then went to studio (eh, it was okay), went to studio dinner (steve chicken! but i felt bad cause it was also his birthday... sorry...), and then watched not one, not two, but three hours of project runway. amazing. that show is my crack. but i love it so. :) :) :)

otherwise than that i'm just pretty lame and haven't done much. i need to remedy that like right now. kk, GO! bye.

a new morning breaks with the sun!

it's amazing just how much my life has changed since my last post and especially since i got back to school on tuesday. wow!!! i'm so scared and excited and everything!! damn small school that talks so much... why does everyone know??? sigh...

i am happy... this term may kill me, but i am so happy...

and then LONDON!!!! yay!!!!!

bibi!