changes for rachel...

i guess... i don't really know if the whole debachle changed anything. at least for the better. i want to believe that it did. and that it was for me. but somehow i have the ability to doubt myself. but there was this moment... and it was wonderful... it felt really long, but it wasn't... it just felt right. even it wasn't what you are probably thinking it was... it was just like this moment when i actually felt okay about the whole thing. not that i was weird or that it was not a good thing to have done... it was just okay. calm. i guess.

i wasn't really drunk.. i didn't have a buzz. for future reference, cranberry lime juice is VERY good with vodka. very, very, very good. but we went to orc... but people got kicked out.. i was pushed outside. i couldn't get back in. i was freezing out in the cold. and waited for a long time... but i just decided that i should go. i couldn't just stand there looking awkward... whatever. it's all good.

i have lots of work to do. i have a paper due tuesday.. on kant... which i sort of understand but not sure i do enough to write anything thoughtful about the aesthetic theory... sigh. someday i will be smart. i guess. i also have lots of reading to do. perhaps that is what i should do tonight. yes, i will. and perhaps watch some will and grace (or see if my family guy is here!!!)... but i should at least do something. i can't do nothing today. i just can't. specially since i don't have any sort of hangover. :) okay.. later.