there are moonbeams.

it's funny reading old stuff. this past year has been so changing. so many things about my life are different. i know i'm not independent, but i have become more so. i try not to rely on my parents for, at least, finacial stuff as much. yes, they still pay the majority of my tution, but not much else. sometimes my books... but i really am trying to budget and become mostly independent... in general i feel less irritated and more optimistic about my school year. the stress of just being an rla was too much. yes, i did it, but it wasn't me. i hate being that person. i rather like not having to be responsible for people that should be responsible for themselves. i like being able to sleep without having to worry... granted i now live with mostly upperclassmen.. go figure... well, cept for some of the weekends. i'm not really a fan of the weekly body spill here... but in general much better. i feel more comfortable sharing my room with paris. we blend well together. we're different, but not in a weird way... i'm so glad the hell of my freshman year did not return... but i was pretty sure it couldn't, as paris isn't the devil incarnate... (jk, she wasn't either... but we didn't blend well...) 0-0 i can't even remember the high school or middle school me. they seem like dead people. i can't even think of what i was then... so long.... ago.... not really... but i can't even feel the same things. maybe it's wisdom, or maturity, or just life experience.. whatever, i feel that i handle things much better now and don't lose focus of goals and just life as easily. i almost can see my plan... almost... although i am missing a rather big portion of my plan, but i can almost see how to achieve it. or at least get it going there. i'm not really sure why i'm thinking of this tonight. but today i've just been writing and collecting my thoughts about my past. about so many things that i just don't think about because they are too painful and too emotional... i think everyone just wants to forget their adolescent and teenage years... i know i do. well, now that i think i've finally learned from them i wish they were just gone. i prolly don't mean that... or shouldn't, i suppose they could be useful later. but at least for tonight, i think i should let it be. (funny how most of my posts will not be very interesting to anyone else, cause well, i don't know what i write... i just do... let it flow... and end...)

end.... yes, i do live in heaven mr. katmandu man. in my own private wisconsin heaven... :)