make me over...

this is a picture of the really sweet heat lamp in our bathroom. and seeing as our room is SO cold i often just want to sit under it for hours... anywho... my environmental science book FINALLY got here. hooray for no longer having to bother going to the library... stupid two hour check outs... grrr.... i really loathe that. i mean, i was all in the middle of the chapter and focused, but i had to go renew the book... thus my concentration was ruined and it took me even longer... grrr... but now it will be wonderful! unlimited time... i'm so free (i'm captured, i'm free... hehe, that movie is dumb...) it's so weird to actually look at the pictures on my desk.. i look so weird... everybody looks so young.. hard to believe i'm so old. hard to believe i would feel this old. i want to believe i'm getting better, but somehow i don't think so. it seems like this is the way things have always been and that it will always be this way. i hate feeling like this. i hate being so limited. i just want my life back. (haha...) once again, i feel SO different. i'm just not who i was... i'm just not. i don't know who i was trying to fool thinking that i was that person. she is dead.