a memory, eh?

well, if you want a memory here's a few. let's see, you were a good friend. i won't lie, i really liked you and we had a lot of laughs. but there was always a distance. i don't let many people get close to me and i think that you are the same way. and by senior year you hadn't 'matured' as much as me. i couldn't talk to you the same way. i didn't understand why you were still so hyper and flightly and manic all of the time. i couldn't take it. you were bitchy, but you never opened to tell me why. thus i assumed that it was just the way you are. i couldn't stand to talk to you anymore. you really hurt me. i moved on, i became close with other people. plus the whole 'vegetarians are evil' phase you went through really cut me deeply. you said that i 'was intolerant of people,' that night i went home and cried. i bet you didn't know that. but you were a good friend. how could you say something like that? i know that derek was there that night, but honestly, did you want to really hurt my feelings? we became two different people. you became friends with erika, who seemed to share your enthusiasm for being immature and stupid, and a bunch of younger people. i really hated you. you couldn't just shut up and do your work in class. you constantly talked. and complained about everything. but the epitome of everything that pissed me off was the trip to new york. one, you love scottie. he was a stupid ass who claimed to know everything about the city. i equated him with you. you were both asses. especially when joan rivers was there. you screamed 'there's joan rivers' even after your beloved scottie said NOT to do that. that trip deepened my hatred for you. it was a stupidly planned trip where we spend most of the time shopping and practically no time doing anything of importance. i was very surprised that you only noticed that i wasn't talking to you in about april of that year. that hurt me even more. if you had actually called me on it sooner, i might have actually forgiven you. but you didn't even fucking care enough to talk to me. thus, i assumed that i meant nothing to you and i got bitter. perhaps you didn't really deserve all of my anger. but i was very hurt by your actions. and annoyed by your immaturity. well, i guess that's my memory. i don't think about you that often anymore. though somehow i still read your blog every once in awhile. i guess it's because you never truly break up with friends. you can't just stop caring. even though i don't enjoy your company, somehow i still care. but we will never be friends again. some things can never be regained. i wish you well, but i still remember the hurt.