....

my grandfather has liver cancer... which has spread to his heart and lungs.

that is all.

well well well

almost the beginning of a new term. the last 'real' term of college. i guess student teaching is technically still college, but seeing as i have no real connection with the school anymore i can think of it as being done. yeah. i'm pretty freaked out about all that is going to happen in the next year. i finish school, start an actual career, probably move back home until i find a real job, and then start my 'adult' life. i don't think i'm ready to have a full time career. i would truly love to travel for the entirety of my adult life and never have to do anything else. well, besides play music for people. i guess i would miss teaching too, but i'm not sure if i could really do the whole put down roots in a town and teach at one school for 20 years thing. i dunno. i feel like my life could be so set and i'm only 21. it's scary. and without someone else to share that with it is even more scary. i feel i could be in one place, alone for the rest of my life. and that is completely unappealing. i guess i always assumed that someday my life would automatically make sense. but it only seems that it makes sense when i can look back through it. and i don't want to live my life five years in the past... or more. that's stupid. i'm not really sure what i want and what will happen. and it's stupid to think that i really will... perhaps ever. and i am completely aware that most people my age at the end of college and still single have the same fears. at least i tell myself that. maybe i'm fooling myself. eh, fake happinesss is still happiness. i guess. okay, enough weird rambling. back to practicing and reading... (sadly i've read three novels since i got home on monday.... i know....) but my cello is fixed and i feel rested and refreshed. things are looking up.

recital in 21 days from tomorrow. april 7th, 5pm, harper hall. i'm getting really excited. really. a bit anxious. but excited.

later.

another late night, huh?

well, not really. i have just a bit more work to do and then i'ma go home. i have a lot of practicing to do. and i finally get to have my cello fixed on next friday. :D i can't wait. it sounds soooo unhappy at the moment. which is sad. but soon it will be allllllll better. yeah.

oh, i passed my recital hearing. so i am not going to embarass the school. woot. it feels to good to not have that hanging over my head anymore. :D and my hearing actually went pretty well. although i feel that my piano accompanist hates me a little... i dunno... silly freshman. whateves. it is over.

AHAHAHAHAHAHAH!!! so excited that this term is almost history... AHAHAHAH!

okay, until i'm bored again....

i'm through with love

i'll never fall again.

ah, tenth week is again upon us. i feel slightly less anxious than other previous tenth weeks. at least acedemic-wise, but cello-wise i'm a bit freaked out. my recital hearing is next saturday. i know i will be fine and will do well, but i'm still a bit nervous about it. sigh. oh recital. getting so close. i will feel so relieved when it is done. such a huge thing. scary scary scary.

i don't have much to say. i have returned to fairly normal fuction and am very very glad of it. :D

so that is all, lovelies. i'll be home in just over a week... if you wanna hang out.... kk, laters.