sigh.

birthday and graduation were fun. lots of time with good friends. i got really depressive after yalls left though... it was weird. i blame the hormones. since yall left i've pretty much been doing nothing and dinking around. have watched several movies. we made pizza yesterday with fun people. then we went to the park and heidi and i played in the fountain. after that we all decided to copy the kids in the fountain and do the little foot-hook thing... it was pretty sweet. lots of laughing and merriment. :D

life is pretty good. i've been trying to work out everyday this week. mostly my abs and arms are really sore... but i guess it's a good hurt. (and it feels like i'm alive)...

we watched 'waking life' yesterday. i really liked that movie. it really makes you think. it's just really interesting to think about reality vs perception, freewill, and collective memory... (well, there was lots more than that, but that's all i can think of at the moment). it's a very cool movie. not a super big fan of the creepy woooooozy animation, but i think it fits the film. i would highly recommend watching it. :D

that's it. goodbye.

i'm in deep smit.

i am. again. it's kind of amazing how i keep going back and forth on this. but i can't help what i feel, can i? i'm smitten and i'm okay with that.

:D

that's pretty much it. just finishing up a myriad of things and then chilling for a week or so.... coooool. laters.

trust in me, baby.

i've been listening to a lot of janis joplin and bob dylan lately. i'm not really sure what it all means, but i feel that hardcore drug use is a good avenue now... just kidding.... we all know that wouldn't happen.

i felt really happy today. partially because i finally got some shiiiit done. and called people. and actually got ahold of people. which seems to never happen. but my happiness was an unexpected surprise. :D it's been awhile since i was that actually happy. i guess i forgot what that feels like. which sounds really pathetic. oye. i guess i haven't been that unhappy, but the burst of happiness and sense of actual accomplishment was good. very very good. (perhaps it was also the drinking the night before... hm.. perhaps)

i sat in the sun during class for 70mins today.. and got sun burned. hooooottt!

we'll see if the golf outing is going to happen. not sure i want to go. and there's a sweeeeeeeeet jazz harmonica player dude that's performing with the lawrence jazz trio... i think i'ma go to that no matter what. i feel that it is going to blooooow my mind. for reals.

hm... one week of college classes left. aw. shit.

that's all. later loves.

success.

so percussion seems to be figured out and amazing. i'm going to be taking a percussion tutorial. and i am so excited. a bit intimidated, but overall really really excited. (i guess it also helps that my teacher is also the sexiest man alive.... yeah, maybe that has something to do with it...)

:D

so yeah, things are looking up. for the moment. now if i can only get my hw done, that will be good. oye.

later yalls.

everyone else is done, why can't i be?

i am sick of school. but i have to do well or i will be more unhappy later... yeah. hm. basically i have a continued sense of no ambition to get work done or to even start it. i'm just being lazy... academically anyway... wow, that sounds like i'm partying all the time, which i am sooo not. but i guess i do a lot of stuff, just not my actual homework. but i also feel like our profs are being way more flexible with things... like still giving me full credit for an assignment i turned in 3 weeks late. (whoops) it was just so nice to go home and not have to worry about anything here. i really did not want to come back. i can just feel my blood pressure rise when i'm back here. i am just so bitter and angry about things. that makes me sad. i'm just way more irritable than normal. and i feel bad for being such a bitch to people, but i just don't care. i feel really apathetic about life, the universe and everything... ugh...

but this summer (despite horrible job and such) i vow to have fun. montana? with friendies? maybe? just generally having more fun and less life sucking all around. yeah... that's a plan. i refuse to be unhappy this summer. the job is stupid but my life is going to be amazing. for real. we will have fun, dammit. DAMMIT!!!!

alright, now to write a paper and be done with it. :D sawwwweeeeettt.

laters.

okay.

i am tired. tired of many things. and it makes me want to run away and hide until the world ends. i need to be away from this.

i want to just be done and get on with the rest of life. you know? it just seems way too soon and taking far too long to get here. sigh.

still need to figure out the percussion thing. damn... i should have just taken the damn class and dealt with it. then i wouldn't have to do this shit now. god i just hate everything right now. i just want to not. damn. damn. damn.

hocay, i guess i have hw to do. or something. or could get my emailing done or something... we'll see... ugh ugh ugh ugh. laters.

new plan.

i'm going to work really hard for the rest of the term. i'm quitting this stupid doing nothing depressed crap and getting my life back together. i need to quit having the actions of others (whether real or imagined) completely dictate my mood and my life.... i'm in control. i think...??... i'm too old for this crap.

woo hoo.

done. and done.