hm.

i actually wrote this last night, but somehow didn't post it...

do you ever feel like you are slipping away from someone? like you have no idea what this person is like because you feel so disconnected from what they have become. you still care, but somehow it just seems like they are so different and things are so... well, to put it inarticulately, different. so many of the everyday assumptions you make in your life have changed. a relationship is switched, strained, mulitated. maybe that's a bad choice of words... you don't want to feel sad, but you do. i guess change can be good.. i don't remember why the old was so wonderful. but i suppose it felt constant. comforting. dammit, i just want you to be happy, even if that means i'm not. for awhile. actually, i think you already are. and i know i can't just say it, because of my own cowardice. at least not now. but i can't help feeling like you don't need me anymore. like my life is just too slow and yours is going mach 3. maybe i am boring. (hello, look at my readership...) i am happy. i am. i love school and i love my life right now. but somehow i keeping thinking that my life would be easier if i wasn't here. i'm not even going to clarify or explain that. i know i won't transfer. but it seems like it would be... maybe... probably not. probably be just the same, only with more people somewhere else.

~i don't really know why i was thinking about this last night. just sort of hit me. i guess i wish things were the same and that this particular relationship was the same, but it isn't. i need to just accept it. and try to salvage and grow from what it left. okay, i'm going to go to brunch and start doing productive things... :) bye.